My Birthday

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Today is my 23rd birthday. Twenty three years have passed and I still have to whisper to myself, “You are worth it.”

When I was a child I used to bounce in excitement when March arrived. My mother’s birthday is March 2nd, my father’s is the 17th and mine is the 31st.I used to think that I was special. We had this one thing thay connected us forever. Funny, isn’t it?

With each year, that special feeling became a burden. My father’s abuse and my mother’s ignorance washed away everything. Every year after that, my birthday became a question.

Why was I born?

My birthday was a burden, a blasphomey, a mistake. I belittled my self worth and purpose. How could I think highly of myself if I had convinced myself that I was nothing?

Time became my safe haven. 

Time is still my safe haven. 

I am now 23 years old and I am sorrounded by infinite love, yet, I still woke up and uttered the silent words, “You are worth it.”

Thus, I bathed, dressed myself, and drove to a nearby Starbucks. I ordered a Tall Green Tea Latte and guided myself to the nearest seat in the patio. 

I am sitting down, listening to Promise by Ben Howard and drinking my Green Tea while trying to read my book, but the urge to share my thoughts has won. 

The weather is one of a kind. The sun is shinning bright and the heat is…warm. The wind is constantly blowing towards my direction as if it is telling me, “Let me help you breath.” 

You are worth it. 

It is not much, but it is my repeated beginning. This is part of my healing process. 

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4 thoughts on “My Birthday

  1. I resonate with this so much! I’m 22, with a similar parental situation. I too have to remind myself that I’m worth it.
    Happy birthday, and please know: You are so worthy to be loved. You are worth it. One of my latest posts is a short poem titled “Worthy of Love,” ironically enough. I don’t know where you are in faith, but I’ve been struggling a lot with worth too and I wrote this poem from God’s perspective. It may be worth it for you to check out.
    https://placetorememberblog.wordpress.com/2017/04/01/worthy-of-love/

    Liked by 1 person

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