March is a beautiful month; It is a time of awakening; colors begin to slowly
reveal themselves, flowers begin to bloom, our surroundings wake up from a well
deserved slumber. For me, there is only one day that brings me misery and
despair, March 17th; my father’s birthday.
As I have stated in a previous post, my parents and I share a similar birthday
month; we are about 2 weeks or so apart. I use to love the idea that we had this
one thing in common, but my father quickly poisoned my love with his perverse
Now, every year on his birthday, I feel…hhmm, how do I feel?
I used to feel angry or sad; I made a promise to myself that on the day of his
birthday, I would restrain from committing any form of celebration or happiness,
because if I did then in some way I would be celebrating him and he will be the
winner; a monster like that does not deserve an ounce of happiness after
all the darkness he spread, not only in my life, but everyone he touched.
“Now…I feel numb.” I told my husband as the hot trickles of water hit my
my body as I bathed.
My emotions have changed. For some odd reason, I do not feel anger or sadness.
I feel as though my emotional state has washed away any emotion linked to that
day, yet I tell myself, “Tomorrow I will do nothing.” My emotions are guiding me
to a direction of, I believe, positivity, but my mind is pulling me back.
Why do I have to prohibit myself from treating a day like a normal day. A
day like any other. If I am caging my own happiness, then isn’t he