These past couple of weeks has been like a roller coaster ride; like a dodgeball fight and I am the target, or a football match and I’m the single player versus a whole team of negative bitches.
When I wake up and think, “This is not good.” I know is the beginning of a bad day, but I have to wake up.
I am a mother.
I am a wife.
I have to camouflage my insanity with the face of a person who is sane, but that fort can hold for so long. When my facade breaks. I break. The world is against me and I cannot let my shield down, so I fight. I fight back by shutting everyone out…almost everyone.
Like I said,
I am a mother.
So, to my kids I put on my happy mask and hide my truth away. Innocence cannot be devoured by what dwells within me.
I can put on a smile.
I can laugh.
I can be happy when I am with them.
When I am alone, my darkness creeps in.
My thoughts constantly transfer me to a dimension where my existenve is futile and I am free.
STOP! I yell.
Stop the thoughts.
Stop trying to block my path.
Thus, I continue my day in a ongoing battlefield and by the end of the day, I am exhausted.
All that is left is destruction.
All that is left are open wounds.
All the is left is the everlasting fires of my disaster.
All that is left is the missing pieces of myself
Scattered somewhere out in the field; begging to be found.
I welcome the moon to put me at ease, but my enemies wash away my sleep.
My war continues into the night.
An endless battle.
An endless fight.